Okay, we're out of the comic wackiness now. (Since when are murder and riots comedic?) Now, it's time to settle into the primary plot, which involves... Romeo! Say hi to Romeo! He's a nice boy, such a nice boy. And he's got a bit of a problem.
(One of these things is not like the other, which one is it, do you know? o/~)
You see, Romeo is... heartbroken! Lovestuck! Angstfilled! Yes, he's in love with some slut named Rosalind or Rosaline or Rosie or something, who we never actually ever see or learn much of anything about. But so amazingly in love is he that he can brood darkly in the 'Sycamore Grove' (which has apparently been upscaled into a cheap amusement park).
Oh, woe is he! He jokes around with Da Montague Boyz(tm) a bit, Benvolio notably who does what he can to help Romeo (ineffectively). They agree to go to some rave at the Capulet's abandoned warehouse later that night so Romeo can chase some tail with intent on casual sex like a good little rich boy. But little does he know that JULIET will be there!
Here we see her A) imitating a Tori Amos album cover and B) walking around with a highly symbolic and meaningful angel costume that allows us to visually identify her as an innocent goddess of heaven, despite being a little thickwitted tart.
You know, actually, Juliet gets the short end of the stick in this play. It's all about Romeo. Romeo this, Romeo that, Romeo kills so and so, Romeo misses a message, Romeo Romeo Romeo. Juliet basically just sits around and gets pushed around by other folks's plots, plans and desires. It's not even her idea to pull off that grand death faking scheme later. (Although I could see it, given that she likely watches soaps, and they're doing that kind of retarded plan every few weeks.) So, really, I have more pity for her than Romeo. I take back the thickwitted bit. But not the tart. Tarts are yummy. Mmm, cherry-- err. Moving right along...
Other characters, other characters. It's time to introduce Mercutio! Yes, it's the manly, casual, clowning around friend of Romeo, stylish swordsman and ladies' man! Yeah! It's...
...it's
a crossdressing Rupal-esque disco diva? What? WHAT? Aaaaagh. Yes, folks, not
only is he a flamboyantly gay wig wearing dude, he also rants and raves and
takes illegal hallucinogenic druuuuugs so he can see Queen Mab. If I wanted
to see Queen Mab, I'd just go rent 'Merlin'. And I'd suggest she do something
about that throat cancer.
Okay, okay, you can argue that it's just his costume for the party, but still.
Yikes. Double yikes.
But
wait! Even before Romeo drops acid, he has a hallucination! Yes, it's a flash
forward, stock gimmick of all fated tragedies to give the characters insight
into their miserable futures, which they immediately ignore or dismiss. What
idiots! If I saw myself walking into a church like this... actually, I'd be
happy. This is a DAMN COOL CHURCH. If church was like this, I'd be in there
every sunday, garunteed. We'll see more on why the local church is more fun
than your local rave in short time, but for now, it's time to get on with the
party!